College,  Life

Inadequate

Someone said to me “Even though you didn’t wake up early, today is good”

Some days, I just don’t feel like doing anything. It can hit me all day, or more than a day. It comes and goes, it probably happens more than I would like to admit.

I don’t like it, feeling tiring a whole day without knowing the reason behind it. This is a new pattern has repeated after I coming to Taiwan, I noticed it happens toward the end of something. Instead of giving my last push, I find myself giving up before I see the ending line.

I’ve got restless energy, because knowing that comfort is what leaves me feeling unmotivated to work. It easy for me to go somewhere new, try new things but as months go by, I grow lazier than I expected. I don’t know what happen with my second year right now, if I were to take a guess, I think it’s because I’m feeling saturated.

I’m a person that excited to try everything and have the ambition to reach the greatest heights. I’m disciplined and responsible about being adventurous. But, when I take a look behind, I’m struggling enough, I feel restless and dissatisfied. I am always looking for the next adventure and struggle with being present. Sometimes this hole makes me become cynical and lose hope, shutting down and becoming depressed. Or I could feel trapped-like I’m blocked from trying anything. Monotonous. I’ve got restless energy, I can be easily bored if a situation isn’t evolving or doesn’t feel inspiring.

It’s time to evaluate what is and isn’t working for me. It’s not a time for play escapism; it’s time to course-correct if I’m headed in the wrong direction. I’m off track, I feel it during this time. The only mistake during this time is to keep things the same, or less of gratitude for what I have. I know that I need to take action to change what I know is holding me back. Bringing new energy, excitement, and purpose to my life.

I guess I need to move on~

dewinta

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